R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
