We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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