Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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