Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
