HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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