She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
