You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
BRING THE BAGELS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
