So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
