i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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