You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
