Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
