I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
