My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
