..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
