i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Houston, we have a squirter
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
