Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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