call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
