is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
