Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
