peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am spending my child support on dildos
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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