Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
