Sacagawea was the original milf.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
