i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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