i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
