No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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