if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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