I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
