our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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