so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
