Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
