Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
