I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
