you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
