Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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