I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
