Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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