I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
