he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
