Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
