Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.