yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME