No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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