Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
