i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
