My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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