there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
