im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
