wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
