i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
