He kissed a someone with a penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
