I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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