theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
