It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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