Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
