I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
