What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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