Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
