Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize