matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
worst night to have a conscience
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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