He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
id be glad to
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
