she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
