I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
