don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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