i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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