Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
