i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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