took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.