You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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