Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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  (423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (1818)
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  (44): View more from England

  What's everyones problem with my costume?!

  (1-44): View more from England

  It looks like a unicorn came on your face.

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  (44): What's everyones problem with my costume?! (1-44): It looks like a unicorn came on your face. http://tfl.nu/f20r
  Replies (26) Good night (987) Bad night (2595)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.

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  (813): I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success. http://tfl.nu/8y3e
  Replies (57) Good night (6442) Bad night (727)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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  (718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e
  Replies (6) Good night (4525) Bad night (807)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen

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  (203): he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible... (1-203): your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen http://tfl.nu/mgfl
  Replies (20) Good night (5656) Bad night (1252)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

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  (702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz
  Replies (17) Good night (4350) Bad night (1686)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.

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  (806): I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you. http://tfl.nu/8w6h
  Replies (12) Good night (3445) Bad night (1026)
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  (949): View more from California

  did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?

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  (949): did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass? http://tfl.nu/5kuh
  Replies (9) Good night (1036) Bad night (600)
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  (760): View more from California

  This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes

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  (760): This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes http://tfl.nu/v44x
  Replies (2) Good night (1311) Bad night (673)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.

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  (219): The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover. http://tfl.nu/mbl4
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (924)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"

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  (312): We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?" http://tfl.nu/n4cr
  Replies (10) Good night (801) Bad night (1228)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?

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  (419): So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk? http://tfl.nu/8zbp
  Replies (8) Good night (689) Bad night (1182)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.

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  (928): Well I was going to go home but vodka happened. http://tfl.nu/0ttq
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (393)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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  (405): I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level. http://tfl.nu/exjq
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (360)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever

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  (732): I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever http://tfl.nu/kzzi
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (126)

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