that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.