Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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  (818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life. http://tfl.nu/wz8b
  Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (1190)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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  (908): I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts http://tfl.nu/1w8r
  Replies (28) Good night (4991) Bad night (939)
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  (805): View more from California

  found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.

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  (805): found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt. http://tfl.nu/65bm
  Replies (24) Good night (6185) Bad night (535)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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  (940): and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/usna
  Replies (12) Good night (2455) Bad night (638)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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  (724): You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night. http://tfl.nu/vcog
  Replies (16) Good night (5109) Bad night (993)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
  Replies (20) Good night (1497) Bad night (5885)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

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  (217): Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop http://tfl.nu/m1fy
  Replies (13) Good night (6507) Bad night (1434)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

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  (810): You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/18uj
  Replies (4) Good night (3364) Bad night (848)
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  (209): View more from California

  You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.

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  (209): You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him. http://tfl.nu/xni0
  Replies (15) Good night (3968) Bad night (1354)
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  (310): View more from California

  Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...

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  (310): Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair... http://tfl.nu/dvxl
  Replies (4) Good night (2161) Bad night (639)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket

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  (252): See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket http://tfl.nu/0lhc
  Replies (11) Good night (1417) Bad night (491)
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  (415): View more from California

  I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.

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  (415): I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape. http://tfl.nu/bbp9
  Replies (5) Good night (1604) Bad night (493)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.

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  (847): The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one. http://tfl.nu/8fpw
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (330)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder

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  (217): turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder http://tfl.nu/r034
  Replies (0) Good night (404) Bad night (194)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child

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  (765): Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child http://tfl.nu/7qut
  Replies (6) Good night (232) Bad night (863)

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