I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
