I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
