Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
